How to express yourself in an accountable and respectful way, taking responsibility for all your feelings.
Remember:
- If an upset lasts for more than 30 seconds it’s “old stuff” coming up from inside you.
- No one can make you feel anything that does not already live inside you.
- The situation that triggered your upset is only that, a trigger, and not the root cause of the upset.
Guidelines
- Always take responsibility for your feelings by expressing them as “I” statements in your conversation.
For example you would say: “When I voice my opinions I feel I am not heard, I feel that what I say doesn't count, I feel unacknowledged and it makes me angry, sad, hurt and I just want to withdraw.”
- Do not use “you” statements in your conversation as they imply blame and that the other person is wrong.
For example do not say: “When I voice my opinions you override what I say, you make me angry, you hurt me”.
- Do not use expressions such as “I feel attacked by you, I feel betrayed by you, I feel let down by you”.
These are just a nice way of expressing blame. What you are really saying is “You attack me, you betray me, you let me down”.
- Remember to take full responsibility for your experience without any blame.
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